Denial

Well, when I woke up this morning, I hadn’t envisioned actually posting again until next week sometime. I woke up, and still felt pretty awful – a headache that I think was bordering on becoming a migraine. Considering I’ve never had a migraine, I can’t be sure, but that level of pain wasn’t normal.

After I got out of bed – it took awhile for the Tylenol to kick in, I decided to work from home and had a relatively productive day. I spent the first 4 1/2 hours of my day responding to emails. I had to take a break after that, and I guess that’s the joy of working from home – the flexibility to do whatever I want! I was feeling considerably better, so decided I would go swim, despite having D tell me not to go. It’s not like he’s a doctor or anything, and I was dying to do something outside the apartment.

It’s hard for me to decide if the hot flashes I was having as I drove there and drove home were due to still being sick or if it was because I was wearing sweatpants (I’m going with sweatpants). Once I got in the pool, I was fine and ended up swimming what I like to call a power swim – which really means just get the f***ing swim done. I swam my normal distance – 1900 yards (1.08 miles), 35 minutes. It felt good getting out of the apartment.

The unfortunate thing about my swim was jamming it in the middle of the day – it’s not helping me get on a schedule to make this easier. Afterwards, I came home, worked a few more hours, then had a going away happy hour to go to. Which also means I didn’t have time to cook myself a real meal, but honestly? There’s absolutely nothing in my apartment to cook. I’m going to be forced to buy lunch for work tomorrow because there is literally nothing to eat in my apartment. And I’m hell bent on not grocery shopping since we’ll be on vacation shortly. So I ended up finishing up some leftovers – risotto, and canned pears. And now I’m basically left with soup, rice, and canned pears in my apartment.

There’s a lot of power in denial – it’s good enough to get you through some short-term struggles, like telling myself that half a can of diced pears was going to be more than sufficient for dinner, or those hot flashes I was having were really just from the “heat” outdoors. However, it really just postpones the inevitable. While the hot flashes did in fact turn out being due to the weather, the pears were not sufficient – I came home after the going away party to take down a peanut butter sandwich, some Doritos, and Reese’s Pieces.

We can’t all be winners all the time. And I never win against night-time munchies.

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